Thursday, December 10, 2009

Weird as hell

A very strange interlude. Has this happened to anyone else?

The latest visit with the neuro was strange from beginning to end and after. First off, he didn't go through the usual test of my eyes, strength, balance, etc.

Then he asked about work. I told him I drive 1 1/2 hours each way to work, that I dislike my workday and that I am tired.

Then he told me "I don't want you driving three hours a day." We then discussed the need to husband my resources and spend less time devoted to getting back and forth to work and more time seeing to my health. He said I should go to human resources and talk to them.

Well my boss told me right off that HR wouldn't do anything without a note from him. I admit I was so messed up by the whole concept of such a change, that it hadn't occurred to me that they would even talk to me at all. I had my husband call the doctor's office.

The office told us that the doctor does not give "notes." He would only sign papers from work.

I contacted HR, who told me they do not provide papers without a note from the doctor. Instant stalemate.

W. T. F? Why on earth would the doctor even tell me to get the ball rolling on all that silliness? The doctor's office then said that the record (whatever that could be) of our visit (what visit? nothing happened.) would be sent to my Primary Care Physician marked as Priority.

That was last week. Where on earth does that leave me?

I can tell you that I went to my boss and told her that I am mystified by all this. I had to assure her that I do not intend to quit working, and that I frankly am looking for a new neuro.

I intend to get a copy of the record of our "visit" and find out exactly what that guy was thinking. Or at least what he put down on paper.

Oh, yes. He also prescribed Valium to talk in small doses all day. My co-commuters immediately raised objections to that. So I am not taking Valium, because I have to share the driving.

It binds me up anyway.

pb

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Eight Months of Worry

Have taken their toll on me. I am now resolved to retire and apply on disability in the Summer.

Still, concerns of financial problems cropping up have me wishy washy about the whole thing. We have not cleared away the bills as I had hoped two years ago. The banks have seen to that, and they are getting worse as times go on.

On the bright side I have had a couple of reassurances from Higher Up that things will turn out well, or at least for the best:

The Two Dreams
Seemed like a place in Elmira, but we didn't own it. My mother was part of the dream, as if we were both staying there by ourselves.

Outside in the street a large rig, like a semi was almost clogging the street and parked itself. I remember seeing how huge it was as I stood near it. Then, people came out of it, like a large family. I think they were in the back, but that wasn't really important to the dream.
My mom or I invited them into the small place upstairs. We all crowded into the living room, everyone sitting in different spots. The children were becoming restless and it broke my heart, so I offered them something to eat. My mother looked at me and asked what we thought we were going to feed them. I didn't have an answer, so I went into the kitchen to check.
The place was pretty bereft of cooking utensils, and the fridge had very little. Somehow, I figured I could put together something from the freezer and some buns. But the freezer was all frosted over and the shelves were broken. I asked my mother about it, and she sort of shrugged. We began digging into the rime, which came away easily.
First I found a packet of a little meat, not very fancy, like hunter's venison. I thawed it and threw it into the oven. While I was scrounging for more, some of the children came to me and whined for food. Their mother or mothers pulled them away into the living room.
This again tore my heart, and I shouted after them, trying to console them. "We will manage! No one will go hungry."
In the meantime, the little steak seemed to be enough for four or five people, so we carved it and sent it out. Immediately we found another packet, but probably the last one, in the frost.
When I thawed that one, it was too large for the little pan we found, so we had to spread it out on a cookie sheet.
There would certainly be enough, and we would not need to scrounge for more. I could smell bread, so I guess my mom was baking, too.
At that point, I realized that we were in a "loaves and fishes" situation, and everything was much brighter.
No one would go hungry.
==
Right after that, I found myself in a thrown-together church, meeting in a gymnasium. The church where I was baptised was for the longest while just like that.
We were praying when the person behind me grabbed my arm. When I looked, a lady (apparently someone from my childhood) looked startled and pointed out that she wasn't touching me.
At that moment I was lifted up to the ceiling, with everyone watching. I was estatic, as was the entire congregation. We all praised God, and I floated back down again. No one was frightened by the happening, and we finished out service. Incidentally, I mentioned that the ceiling was acoustic tile, and that they should be replaced. That was just a strange aside.
Afterwards a senior woman came to me, and jokingly told me, "Now maybe you can bless our restroom, because it's a disaster!"
I thought that was a sensible thing to try, so I went upstairs in the back of the gym, and there was indeed a restroom. It was very old, with a huge tub, the sort for just soaking things, like a washer-room tub, for clothes. It was filled to the brim with water, almost overflowing.
Everyone around me was going about their business, the way that athletes do after or before a game. All the women ignored me, because they were busy.
I stared at the brimming tub, and was struck by the notion that there indeed was plenty of water for the blessing.
What it all means is anyones guess, but I woke in a cheery mood.
Now if the Banks were only run by believers in God, we'd be all set. Alas, it is obvious that this is not so. One can only imagine how this is affecting those less fortunate.
And I actually saw a car dealer bragging that they were Pioneers in Sub-Prime Lending!
The evil of it just gives me the willies.
pb

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Just off

Now I am past the slightly scary exacerbation, with its very temporary double vision. I am working five days a week. Not much time for my life, but there you have it.

My days involve some three hours commute, and 7 1/2 hours working in less than wonderful conditions. My whole way of getting through is to simply repeat " I don't care " constantly to myself.

When I was a teenager, I worked in factories in some pretty nasty conditions. Always, the way I made it through was by telling myself I could put up with anything temporarily.

So I guess the next 5-7 years will be full of my mantra, and the knowledge that it is all temporary. Perhaps with the economy improving, the 401K will improve, and there will be jobs closer to home.

Boy, I am hoping that for everybody.

pb

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Not so good.

Lately we have many people out sick, and a few people out on vacation. There is more than enough work to go around, and not enough people.

All compounded by the ridiculous loud drone that makes everyone both on edge and half asleep at the same time. Whoever decided that we need to put workers around the air conditioning compressor ought to be take out and shot. With lousy 7mm handguns, about two hundred of them. For a long, slow, annoying death, like we are suffering.

Then, oh goody! We, and when I say we, I mean those of us who already get up freaking early so we can commute the hour or so to work. Yes, that "we." Anyway, we were asked to come in a half-hour early. So let's rush our asses to work on Friday, when the whole world is on the Southern Tier Expressway (17 to the locals) with their campers and suv's, everyone going to a vacation destination except "we."

So the place is insane when we get there. Still people out sick and others on vacation. And that lovely drone buzzing us along...

There wasn't a thing I could do for more than 10 minutes before I was interrupted by a person looking for my coworkers on vacation. I spent half the day promising myself that I would get to the bathroom soon, real soon. And the other half resigned to the fact that there was no such thing Friday.

When I finally ran to the potty, at about 11, after having arrived at 9:30, all without benefit of a break, I noticed that my sight had suddenly gone double! Everything had an extra edge on it. Like a shiny ghost self just in front or behind it. This gave me a sick feeling when I tried to walk, because it threw me off balance.

Now, my father had a similar experience, minus the horrific work day, because he's retired. He'd had a TIA. I was not a happy camper.

There was no break in the action until I finally gave up and went to lunch. I called Husband RJ and told him I would probably head directly to the emergency room when I got home.

There was no freaking way I would sit in a strange emergency room some 4-6 hours, then have my husband drive out to Binghamton to come for me.

As we got closer to quitting time, I mentioned to the boss that I was having a problem and would see a doctor when I got home, but would likely need to follow up with doctors on Monday. When I described what I was experiencing, she ordered me to go to the Emergency Room.

At that moment I regretted having mentioned it. She enlisted an HR person, and the two of them worked on me to go to the emergency room. "Let us call you an ambulance." No freaking way.

Anyway, when I got home, I called my Neuro.

Weird. The doctor on call very calmly told me he thought it was the MS. He sounded so completely and calmly convinced that I simply accepted it. He thought maybe I would want to check with my eye doctor, but that fizzled out because they never got back to me.

By the time I got up in the morning the whole episode had passed. My face is still slightly numb from it all, but that was it.

Weird.

pb
Little Pond

Friday, July 31, 2009

Died and went to Hell

...last March.

The constant hum at work is so loud I hear it in my sleep. Turns out it is the airconditioning compressor. It runs loudest and most constantly during these (almost) Dog Days.

We have been informed that we cannot wear music headphones.

I think I have earplugs. I hope.

Going stark raving mad.

pb
Little Pond

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Let's get one thing straight.

I am disabled. I walk with a cane.

The trips to the Chemung River are specifically related to the disability. When Ellie and I walk through the street of Elmira, I walk with a cane, and Ellie walks with a choke-chain. We call it "Walking Pretty." She stays at my side and we try to move briskly along, to get off the hot streets in the summer, or to get in from the bitter cold in the winter.

On the banks of the Chemung River, Ellie is free to poke and hunt, and I am able to take pictures. We keep the leash handy for encounters with other human-dog pairs.

Yet I stress that the River is dangerous. Ellie does not swim in the river where it is deep and flowing, and I do not wade. Well, almost never.

Ellie is allowed to swim where the river is fairly still and shallow. The proof of this is her tail: up when she wades, and lower when she wades.

video

I would never risk my little buddy's safety.

pb

Little Pond

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Night of the Long Knives, revisited.

Again.

It started last week, before the public announcement. One of our building supers was "offered" early retirement, and he took it. One day it was "Hi" and the next it was "Bye!"

Yesterday I got word that the lady with whom I had a disagreement (and since reconciled) was let go. No way would I wish it on anyone, especially not her. She and her coworkers were lucky enough to get work with Gannett after their publishing house went under. After only a year or so, it has to be hard for her.

Today the list got significantly longer, including a few people I knew well. I am told this current batch is being "let go," so I don't think they were offered a buyout. We were never promised a buyout this go-around, anyway.

As I remember, those who were on vacation, or out sick, when the white list went into effect, were removed when they returned. Same thing happened when I went on partial layoff years ago. I could still go back and learn my fate.

One can only hope they will allow me some sort of retirement, if they do.

But, by now I feel that whatever happens, happens.

We have bigger fish to fry.

pb
Little Pond